Tears of Blood, Prisoner of Pain
by Avalon.Roxy
Summary: REPOST Billy's life from grades 7 to 9, and the trauma he suffered at the hands of some bullies.


**Tears of Blood, Prisoner of Pain**

A Note:_I wrote this story a long time ago, and with lots of re-working on the plot, events, etc. this is what I've come up with. Billy in the first season of MMPR was noticably very shy, and had very little self-confidence, possibly due to a past where he encoutered a lot of bullying and harassment. Plus, the way he deals with the bullying that I came up with, deliberate self-harm, I figured that's due to having being taken from an evironment where people like him were common(a special school for gifted kids like him), with no bullies, and then been thrust into an environment where there would be bullies(regular public school), with no skills on how to deal with them. I wrote this story to give people understanding into the plight of those suffering from bullying and it's effects on them, and also the phenomenon of deliberate self-harm. I have tried to make things as realistic as possible. Because some of stuff here is graphic, I suggest that if you are more sensitive to the subject matter, I advise you to use discretion and not read. Other than that, I hope those have read this, like this story._

"MOM!" Billy cried out, waking up with a start. But there was no answer, just silence. Billy had woken up from that nightmare again. It would start with his mother coming home from working late, and he would come to the door to greet her. "You're here." Billy would say to her, hugging her in a frantic..

"Well of course I am honey." Mrs. Cranston would reply.

"But they said you were missing." Billy told her.

"That's crazy. Who said that?"

"The police. They told dad and I that you went missing, and they suspected that you met with foul play."

"Well, they are right about that." Mrs. Cranston said.

"About what?"

"I am dead." Then her body would decompose, turning to a pile of rotting flesh and bone, right in front of Billy, and that's when he would wake up.

Billy wiped the sweat off his forehead, and got up out bed. Looking out the window, he was wondering what happened to his mother. It had been two months since they had reported her missing on June sixth, and no new leads had come in for the police. All they knew was that she had to work late that night because the account records for the pharmaceutical company she worked for were showing what appeared to be missing funds. She told them that she was going to be home at 11pm that night.11 o'clock came and went, and Mrs. Cranston never came home. When his dad reported her missing, the police re-traced every place where she could've gone to, finally finding what could be her blood, and also two bullet casings in the underground parkade for where she worked. They didn't believe she was dead, since there wasn't enough blood at the scene to indicate that, but that didn't mean she was still alive. Without her body, it was difficult to confirm whether Mrs. Cranston was dead or not, and so her name was placed on the growing list of missing persons in Philadelphia, leaving Billy, his dad, and his brother Bryan to wonder if and when she'll return home.

Now it was September and it was time to go back to school. This filled Billy with a sense of dread because he was being sent to one of the regular public junior high schools, and was being placed in grade 7, the year most kids his age would be in. Before then, Billy had always attended private institutions for kids with extraordinary intelligence like himself, so the news of having to be placed in a normal junior high came as huge blow to him. Ever since his mother went missing, his dad had to make up for the loss of her income by working more at his job as a Physics professor at the local university. However, it wasn't enough to meet the tuition payment. The price of it was increased, and Mr. Cranston didn't make enough money to send Billy there for another year. The only option left was public school, so he hoped the teachers there would be understanding enough to meet Billy's needs. For Billy, this meant leaving behind his friends and starting over, delving into an uncertain future.

When the new school year began for Billy at Ulysses S. Grant Junior High School, it was very overwhelming. Here he was in this unfamiliar environment, and all he had with him was a small piece of paper, showing a map of the school. Slowly he wove his way through the crowds of kids, trying not be noticed by anyone. Finding his home room, he went in and took a seat at the back, waiting for the teacher to come in with everyone class schedules.. Looking around the room, he could see that very few of his classmates wore big glasses like him. They wore these small metal-framed glasses, while he was stuck with these annoying dark plastic frames which felt like they stuck out like a sore thumb. Once again, that was due to the fact that his dad didn't have the money to get him the nicer frames everyone else wore. Plus, his lenses prescription was pretty high, that they required thicker frames for support. Finally, the teacher came in and introduced herself, then started calling people up to her desk in alphabetical order to come and get their schedules with their classes on them. When she got to Billy's name, he was sure he could feel everyone else staring at him as he walked up to get his schedule. Sitting back down, he noticed some people whispering, and couldn't help but wonder if they were whispering about him.

For a few weeks, things were going fine for Billy at school, but not for long. People began to catch on to his high IQ, his best grades, and his love for science and math. First came the name-calling. Nerd, geek, egghead, poin-dexter, wuss, wimp. Usually it would be random boys doing the name-calling, but then Billy found himself becoming a target of this one particular kid, Jarred Willison, and his gang of five friends. Nobody warned Billy about them, for they were feared throughout the entire grade 7 population and would become a target themselves if they told Billy about them. While taunting Billy with their name-calling, Jarred and his little group would also steal Billy's stuff, whether it be pencils, pens, or even money. The money they would always demand from Billy whenever they found out he'd brought it with him for lunch, and the pens and pencils, they would break whenever they took them from Billy. As well, Jarred and his group would steal Billy's completed homework assignments, forcing Billy to work on them earlier so that he get them in before Jarred could get his hands on them. And then there was the spit puddles on Billy's bike seat. Jarred and his friends would snicker at Billy as they watched him wipe off his bike, and of course, would do it again as soon as Billy's back was turned. Then came the threats. Someone would leave anonymous notes would be left in Billy's locker saying that if he wasn't careful, that if he didn't watch his back, someone was going to beat him up. Billy knew that it had to be Jarred or his group of friends

No matter how careful Billy was, it wasn't enough. Jarred and his friends now acted on those threats they left, first by doing little things, like tripping him in the hall, or in the cafeteria, usually while Billy was carrying something, be it some books or his food tray. But they didn't stop there. Whenever one of them walked by Billy in the hallway, they'd shove him into the lockers, or shove his head down the toilet, giving him the old "swirly-whirly", as it was called. Because Jarred and his gang focused so much of their bullying on Billy, other people that they picked on regularly were now getting ignored. However, even they were too afraid to help Billy, because if they did, it would bring Jarred's attention back to them as well. With each passing day, the bullying got progressively worse.

It was now December, and one day after school when Billy was riding his bike home, Jarred and his friends spotted him and began to follow behind him on their bikes. Billy, sensing that he was being followed, looked back and in horror, saw that he was right. "Oh no!" he groaned and picked up speed. Seeing that he was getting away, Jarred signaled to his friends to speed up. Each time Billy sped up, Jarred and his friends would match his speed. It was no use. Finally, Jarred and his friends caught up to Billy and surrounded him, trying to knock him off his bike with their hands, or cut him off by swerving on their bikes in front of him. "Get lost!" Billy yelled, trying to fight them off, looking for an opening so that he could get away from them. As they passed by this hill beside the road they were on, one of Jarred's friends gave Billy a hard shove as they rode by, knocking him off his bike. They all stopped to watch as Billy fell off his bike, and both he and the bike disappeared at the edge of the hill. "WHOA!" Billy cried out as he found himself spiraling and falling down the hill. He soon came to a stop in the dry ditch at the bottom, but not before hitting his head on a rock. The blow made Billy lose consciousness. Finding this all very amusing, Jarred and his friends laughed as they rode off, leaving Billy lying there below. He was left there for fifteen minutes until some hikers spotted him up ahead on their route. One of them revived him with special smelling-salts.

"What happened to you?"one of them asked when Billy was revived.

"Uh, there was a stray stick on the road and it got in the way of my bike, causing me to lose balance and fall over the hill." Billy rubbed his head, wincing at the pain from striking that rock. His fingers came back covered in blood.

"We better take a look at that." Another hiker got out his First-Aid kit and got out some Kleenexes and rubbing alcohol. Examining Billy's head, he found that it was only a surface wound, and wiped away the blood and debris.

"Ow!" Billy winced, feeling the sting of the alcohol against the wound. Even though he knew it would prevent the scratch from getting infected, it still hurt nonetheless. After helping Billy get himself and his bike up the hill, he thanked the hikers for their help and started walking towards home. He had to walk because of the damage to his bike from the fall. Because he had no idea where the bullies went after pushing him over the hill, every little sound had Billy easily spooked, and he checked constantly behind him to see if he was being followed, tears streaming down his face.

That night, Billy awoke suddenly from another nightmare. This time he ended up dreaming that instead of falling over the hill, it was a steep cliff. When he hit the bottom of the cliff, that was when he woke up. Trying to go back to sleep, Billy silently wished he could tell someone what was going on. I wish mom was here, Billy thought. He could not see himself telling his dad what was going on. Seeing that he rarely ever expressed any emotion, Billy felt that his dad would tell him that he was being irrational. He also didn't want to burden his dad further, because he felt that he had enough to deal with already, especially with not knowing what happened to his mom. Billy sighed sadly. If only there was someone I could talk to.

The next day, Billy was at his locker, taking out his books for his next class when Jarred, along with two of his friends came up and started pushing him around, making him drop his books. "Leave me alone!" Billy cried.

"Ah shut up!" Jarred snapped, smacking him with the back of hand. That caused blood to trickle from Billy's nose. Jarred grabbed him by the collar and pushed him up against the lockers. "Now where's your lunch money? You better have brought some. I want all of it." Jarred growled.

"I don't have any." Billy told him. Jarred tightened his grip.

"If you're lying, I'm gonna give you more than just a nose-bleed". He let him go. Billy tried to run, but one the two other boys with Jarred grabbed him and pulled him back. "And just where do you think you're going?" He sneered. "Frisk him." Jarred commanded. His two friends went through Billy's pockets and back-pack. And came up with a five dollar bill. Jarred grabbed Billy again. "You lying SOB!" He snarled. "I'm gonna pound you after school!" Billy felt that same sinking feeling in his stomach, knowing that Jarred will act on that threat. "Don't think you can get away, 'cos I'll find you." Jarred let him go, and with his two friends, he walked off.

When school ended that day, Billy walked out the door, hesitantly, but saw no sign of Jarred or his friends. Breathing a sigh of relief, he thought they'd forgotten, and Billy proceeded to walk home, as his bike was still broken. But just then, Billy spotted one of Jarred's friends coming up to him. As he turned to go in another direction, another one of Jarred's friends appeared. Then another, and another, until they all appeared. They were surrounding Billy, like wolves moving in for the kill. "Told ya we'd find ya." Jarred sneered folding his arms, grinning evilly. One of his friends rolled up his sleeves. Billy looked for an avenue of escape, and found one. He took a chance, and bolted, running as fast as he could. "Get him!" Jarred snapped, taking off after him. He and his friends chased after Billy, relentless in their pursuit. After running several blocks, they soon caught up to him. Jarred reached forward and pulled Billy down. He and his friends surrounded him, kicking and punching Billy repeatedly.

"Stop! Please!" Billy cried out, pleading, begging. Nobody listened. Because the location was remote, there was no one else around to see what was going on. After giving Billy one last punch to the face, Jarred picked him up roughly by his shirt.

"Expect more of this tomorrow." He sneered and shoved him away. Jarred and his group of friends walked off, giving Billy cold looks. When they were gone, Billy walked back home, bruised, bloodied, and he was crying.

"I can't take this anymore." He cried softly to himself. When he got in the door, the house was silent. His dad hadn't come home from the university. This gave Billy a sense of relief, as he didn't want his dad to know what had happened.

As the bullying continued, so did Billy's complaints to the teachers and counselors, but it was all in vain. All he ever got was "They're just jealous of your extraordinary intelligence" or "boys do that kind of stuff". Things just continued to get worse. Jarred and his friends would constantly harass Billy, beating him up almost every day. With each morning, the fear of going to school continued to grow, and Billy would withdraw from any kind of contact with other students, preferring to hide out in the library, as it seemed to be the only place where he felt safe from Jarred and his group, seeing as they never went into the library during break or lunch. He also stopped bringing money for lunch to school with him, as it would always be taken away from him by Jarred or one of his friends. But even if Billy brought his own lunch to school, he couldn't eat it that well because of the knots in his stomach from the constant anxiety. With each week, Billy seemed to appear much thinner than the last, from not eating as much, making his weight drop.

When the Christmas break rolled around, Billy could finally relax, but when it got closer to returning to school in January, the anxiety slowing began to return. Billy desperately wanted to tell his dad what had been happening at school, but because of the responses he got from the teachers, he was afraid his dad would react the same way, giving him the same response. So when he returned to school in January, Jarred and his friends went right back to harassing him whenever they could.

One day when Billy came home from school, his dad noticed that he had a black eye from another run-in with Jarred and his gang after school. "Billy, what happened to your eye?" Mr. Cranston asked him. Billy wanted to tell him the truth, but...

"I got hit with a basketball in PE." Billy lied.

"What about your glasses? You weren't wearing them?"

"No, I didn't want them to break."

"Alright. For a minute, I thought you had been in a fight or something." Mr. Cranston said. That was the truth, but Billy thought that telling him would only worry him some more. Then Mr. Cranston noticed something else. "What about those scratches?"

"What scratches?" Billy asked.

"On your arms." Billy looked down at his arms. Having trouble dealing with the anxiety, Billy was starting to scratch his arms repeatedly, sometimes so bad that the scratches would bleed. It was the only way he could take his mind off his problems. "Well, where did you get them from?" Mr. Cranston asked again.

"Uh, I fell off my bike." Mr. Cranston raised his eyebrow suspiciously, although Billy's bike had been repaired.

"You fell off your bike?"

"Well, yeah." Billy said. Mr. Cranston sighed.

"Alright. Just be more careful next time." He told him.

Whenever Billy had an anxiety attack, the only way he sought relief was by scratching his arms. But for some reason, the bleeding from the scratches wasn't enough. Instead of crying, Billy felt that by making his skin bleed, the trickling blood represented his tears, and when he wasn't getting enough blood to flow from just the scratches by his nails, it frustrated him. Taking out a knife from the kitchen, Billy went back into his room, and ran the knife across his arm. He didn't care if the sharp blade hurt. The minute he saw the blood seeping from the cuts, he felt a strange sense of relief, like his emotional pain came out with the blood. When the relief dissipated, Billy looked at what he had done to his arm, and looked at his other hand, still holding the knife. Why did you do that! He thought to himself, disgusted with what he had done. Trying not to allow himself to do that again, Billy tried to concentrate instead on playing his bass guitar, or working in his lab, but it wasn't the same. He also felt that those were the reasons why the bullies went after him in the first place. Eventually, the knife began to call out to him, and he could not ignore it, no matter how hard he tried. It was like he had to punish himself for everything the bullies did to him. The deepness of cuts depended how bad things were during his days at school, or how bad the anxiety attacks were. Some days, he felt no need to cut himself. Other days, it was all he wanted to do.

Finally when summer vacation rolled around, Billy found no need to cut himself, as he wasn't having any anxiety attacks, and Jarred and his friends were not located in his neighborhood, so there was no way he'd bump into them. But he had to cover his tracks to keep his dad from finding out why his arms were so scratched up. Not just his arms, his legs too. Billy wore lots of long-sleeved shirts, always wore pants, even when it was hot outside, and he kept the knife hidden between the mattress and box-spring in his bed.

But it wouldn't last for long. Once it started to get closer to the new school year, the anxiety slowly began to return again. Billy wanted to tell his dad that he wanted to change schools to go back to the special institution for gifted kids like himself, but then his dad would want to know why, and Billy felt that would put too much pressure on his dad. The tuition price hadn't come down, and because it was private school, that meant his dad would have to pay for it. There was not enough money. Gradually, Billy went back to the habit of cutting himself to get away from the anxiety over going back to school.

When the first day back at school rolled around, Billy was so scared his hands were trembling. Sudden noises made him jump, and he constantly felt like he was being followed, even though he wasn't. Whenever he saw someone that looked like Jarred or one of his friends, he would try to avoid them, even though they were a different person. But Billy saw no sign of Jarred or his friends. That is, until the lunch hour rolled around. Billy came into the cafeteria, and after looking around, he found a table close to the back, and sat down to eat his lunch. Maybe they got transferred to another school, Billy thought, eating his lunch. But just then, a shadow loomed ominously over him. Getting a sinking feeling in his stomach, Billy turned around to see who it was that was behind him, and came face-to-face with Jarred, and his gang too. "Well look who it is," Jarred said with a mean sneer. "Little nerd-boy."

"Go away." Billy groaned. Jarred grabbed him by his shirt, forcing him up from his chair.

"Where's the money geek?" He snarled. "Hand it over."

"I don't have any!" Billy snapped. One of Jarred's friends punched him.

"You expect me to believe that pack of lies?" Jarred snapped. The grabbed him by his arms. "Let's take a little walk." People were watching what was happening, but no one stepped in to try and stop it.

When they were in a secluded area by the school, two of Jarred's friends each took Billy by his legs and held him upside down. "Where's the money, geek?" Jarred demanded, getting in Billy's face.

"I told you the first time, I don't have any!" Billy yelled. The two guys who were holding Billy upside down, dropped him. Billy groaned, rubbing his head. Jarred then kicked Billy savagely in the stomach.

"You bring me the money tomorrow, you hear?" He snarled. "As for today, we're coming after you when school's out." When they left, Billy started scratching his arms, really bad. I wish someone would help me, he thought

When school ended that day, Jarred and his gang where waiting for Billy, just like they said they would. Billy saw them and took off, running in the other direction, looking for another route home. "Get him!" Jarred yelled and chased after him. After running a few blocks, they caught up with Billy, dragged him down, and started kicking and punching him. This carried on for a few minutes.

"Please stop this!" Billy protested. Jarred picked him up.

"Whatsa matter? Can't take a little pain, baby?" He threw him back down suddenly because he saw someone coming. "Come on. Let's wait until tomorrow." They left Billy lying on the cement with his nose bleeding and another black eye. After checking to make sure they were completely gone, Billy put his glasses back on and continued walking home. When he got there, Billy immediately went up to his room, pulled out the knife from under the mattress of his bed, and started slashing at his arms.

Again, throughout the fall, it was always the same. Jarred and his group would constantly harass Billy, and nobody would step in and do anything. Because they were always in the cafeteria at break or lunch, Billy didn't bother to bring any money at all, nor a lunch, since eating in the library was not allowed. He tried to eat as much as he could for breakfast so that he wouldn't be hungry during the day, but even eating breakfast was hard because of the constant anxiety creating the knots in his stomach. Sometimes the knots were so bad, that Billy ended up getting sick, throwing up in the morning. His weight began to drop again, and with each passing week, Billy appeared thinner again each time.

Now it was Christmas again, and almost to the close of 1990. One of the presents that Billy got was a copy of the new Duran Duran album at the time, called "Liberty", plus a discman so that he could listen to his music outside the house. When school started back up in January of 1991, Billy was able to keep the Jarred and his friends from finding out about his discman by only taking it out whenever he was in the library, as the bullies didn't go into the library during the lunch hour. But one day, things were different. Jarred, looking around the school for him, found out that's where Billy spent the lunch hour, and followed him into the library that day. Billy went the same area that he always went to, and as he sat down, he took out his Duran Duran "Liberty" CD. "Hey nerd-boy!" Jarred taunted, totally catching Billy off guard. "Hand over the CD! I wanna see it!" Looking around, the area of the library they at was secluded, no one else was around. How did he find out this is where I spend my time! Billy thought, frantic. Then he saw that it was just Jarred, none of his friends were with him, evening up the odds.

"No way!" Billy snapped. He held the CD behind his back.

"I said, let me see it!" Jarred snarled, reaching for Billy's arm, grabbing the CD out of his hand.

"Give it back!" Billy tried to grab his CD from Jarred, but he held it above his head, and shoved Billy aside with the other, causing him to fall into a shelf full of books.

"Aw man," Jarred scoffed. "You like Duran Duran? Bunch of no-talent fags!" He took the papers out of the CD box and started tearing them. Recovering from the slam into the bookshelf, Billy tried to stop Jarred from ripping them.

"What are you doing?" He yelled, trying to grab the papers away again. But once again, Jarred held them above his head. Billy jumped, trying to grab them, but with no luck. Jarred was taller than him. He pushed Billy away again, but harder this time, and when Billy fell into the bookshelf, a couple of books came toppling down, falling on Billy's head. After removing the CD from the box, Jarred then stepped on the box, breaking it up into several pieces. With the papers torn up and box broken, all that was left was the CD. "NO!" Billy rushed at Jarred, trying to grab the CD from him, but Jarred shoved Billy again, this time into the table. Taking the CD, he broke it in half over his knee. Billy then exploded with rage. "THAT'S IT!" He growled, grabbed a pencil, and lunged at Jarred. Hearing the commotion, one of the librarians on duty, came over to see what was going on.

"William Cranston!" She barked. "Stop this at once!" Both Billy and Jarred got up.

"But Ms. Anderson, I-"

"Don't 'But Ms. Anderson' me young man! You should be ashamed of yourself! If I see you fighting again, you will not be allowed in the library during lunch, and I will have you sent to the principal's office with a message to call your parents! Is that understood!" Ms. Anderson told him.

"Yes ma'am." Billy mumbled.

"Are you okay Jarred?" Ms. Anderson asked him.

"Yes Ms. Anderson, thank you. All I did was ask to look at his CD, and he just, went crazy." Jarred replied.

"Liar." Billy muttered angrily. When Jarred left the library, and Ms. Anderson went back to her checking on which books had been turned in, Billy picked up all the pieces of what used to be his Duran Duran CD and tossed them in the trash. When the bell rang to signal the end of lunch, Billy stormed off to his locker, put on his coat, packed up his bag and left, not caring that he was skipping his last class of the day. "I've had it with those jerks!" Billy growled under his breath. All Billy cared about now was getting a new Duran Duran CD. Billy got on his bike and rode home, since no one would be there, seeing that his dad would be at work, and Bryan would be at school. After getting the 20 dollars he got for Christmas from his grandparents, Billy rode into downtown Philadelphia and arrived at one of the music stores. After buying a new Duran Duran "Liberty" CD, Billy spent the rest of the time just hanging out downtown. He did not want to return to school.

At 3 o'clock, the time that school would be ending, Billy returned home from downtown. Luckily, nobody was home yet, so no one knew that Billy skipped school that day. But when Billy went to check the answering machine, the light was flashing, meaning someone had phoned and left a message. Billy played it, and it was his teacher for his last class, leaving a message for his dad, wondering why Billy didn't show up for class. Good thing I got to this message first, Billy thought, erasing it so that his dad wouldn't know. He then went into his room, pulled out the knife he had under the bed and started slashing himself, on the arms and on his legs, like he did on just about any day when Jarred and his friends harassed him. Today was no different even if it was just Jarred.

Because he was cutting himself so much, and losing a lot of blood, Billy would get sick very easily and often every two weeks. This his dad noticed, and had him taken to the doctor to find out what was wrong. Suspecting a deficiency in iron, the doctor wrote out a notice to get Billy's blood tested. One other thing that was also happening with Billy was that the nightmares he would have were increasing in frequency. And it wasn't just the one he'd have about his mother. Billy would also have nightmares about Jarred and his gang, sometimes about them torturing him, others where Billy was running endlessly to get away from them. Each time when Billy woke up from a nightmare, he'd be drenched in cold sweats, and just recently, the nightmares sometimes also had another, rather embarrassing side effect: Bed-wetting. Not wanting his dad to find out about that, Billy had to teach himself how to work the washing machine and dryer, and he'd change his own sheets. Luckily, his dad chalked that up to him keeping his bed sheets changed regularly, and didn't suspect what was really going on.

When the blood tests came back, they were positive for anemia, so the doctor said that Billy should pay more attention to his diet, and recommended that he also take a supplement to get his iron back up to normal. However, this didn't stop Billy from cutting himself. The anxiety was still there, and he felt he had no other way of getting rid of it. And now that Jarred and his friends knew about his hiding out in the library at lunch, Billy was constantly looking over his shoulder whenever he went into the library, to make sure that he wasn't being followed. But he still couldn't eat his lunch very well with his stomach in knots all the time. Billy continued to lose more weight.

Again, summer vacation finally rolled around much to Billy's relief, but there was another problem. As grade 8 was the last year he'd be spending at Ulysses S. Grant, for grade 9, Billy would be moving onto his freshmen year at a different school. As if starting over at the bottom wasn't enough, students that went to Ulysses S. Grant usually went to high school nearest to the junior high. The closest one was Kensington High, and that meant Jarred and his gang might be there too. The only way a student could go to a different high school was if he had special circumstances, and if they put in a request for a different placement. While Billy desperately wanted to tell his dad about the bullying he suffered, and ask him to put in a request for a change of placement, he also hoped that maybe Jarred and his friends would be sent to other schools.

During the summer vacation, Billy had to go in for an appointment with the optometrist like he did every two years. His dad accompanied him, and they found out that there was no change in Billy's prescription. But even then, Billy's glasses were looking worse for the wear, so they went into one of the local eyeglasses stores to get him a new pair. They looked around and when Billy found a pair that he liked, he went to show them to his dad.

"Do these look appropriate?" Billy asked, trying them on. Mr. Cranston stood back a bit to see if he thought so.

"They look fine son. But my concern here is with the price. Coupled with the price of the lenses, we're looking at seven hundred dollars. I can't afford that." Mr. Cranston took the frames that Billy liked, and put them back on the rack. After looking around some more, he came across a nice tortoiseshell-coloured pair, which looked a dark brown when you saw them from a far distance. "Ah, now these are just the right price when added with the cost of the lenses." Billy scoffed when he saw them.

"Come on dad, I'm sick of these glasses that make me conspicuous to everyone else. Everyone else gets to wear the nice metal frames."

"Billy, I'm not everyone else. I know you don't like wearing the heavy plastic frames, but right now, there's just not enough money to get you the ones you really like. Maybe next time." Billy sighed dejectedly.

"Fine." He muttered.

"Why are you so concerned about this anyway? It's not like you've complained before."

"That's because I was going to a school where wearing plastic frames was commonplace. In this regular school, it's not. And quite frankly, it just, makes me uncomfortable." Billy said.

"I'm sorry you feel that way son, but unfortunately, there's just not enough money. And also you need these kind of frames to support your lenses because of how thick they are."

"Yeah, okay. Fine." They went up to counter, and Mr. Cranston placed the order for the new glasses.

When school started back up again, Billy felt like how he did when he first started at Ulysses S. Grant. And Kensington High was a lot bigger. As he wove through the crowds of students, he recognized lots of familiar faces. Feeling anxious, Billy's heart would jump whenever he saw someone that resembled Jarred or one of his friends. However, as he made his way to home-room, Billy didn't any sign of Jarred or his friends. But not until lunch. Billy went into the school's cafeteria, and found a relatively secluded table to sit down at so hopefully he could eat his lunch in peace. He was about to start eating when that familiar shadow loomed ominously over him. Oh no, Billy thought, getting a sinking feeling in his stomach. He turned around, and once again, came face-to-face with Jarred. His friends were there too, all five of them. "Well, look who got to join us for another four years. The nerd-boy."

"Go away." Billy groaned. Jarred grabbed Billy by the scruff of his shirt and got into his face menacingly.

"I can tell we're going to have lots of fun." He picked Billy up. "So, did you bring your money, like you're supposed to, geek?" Jarred snarled.

"You keep asking me that, and I keep telling you, I don't have any!" Billy snapped. Jarred punched Billy in the stomach.

"I don't care! I'm gonna keep asking until I get some money!" He shoved Billy back into the chair. "Now you bring it to me, or there will be hell to pay! Got it?" Jarred growled. He and his friends the left Billy sitting there, doubled over in pain from the punch to his stomach. Because of the pain, and the knots from the anxiety of having to deal with Jarred and his friends until senior year, Billy couldn't eat very much of his lunch that day.

As if Jarred and his gang weren't bad enough, they were the least of Billy's troubles. Because he was a freshman, and at the bottom of the totem pole, he also had upperclassmen on his case too. Of course, no one bothered to tell Billy that this was to be expected when you started high school. Even though they also picked on other freshmen, Billy was one they would pick on the most. Every day, they would do things like shove him into his locker and try to lock him in, pull on his underwear to give him a wedgie, shove him into the trash can and making him sing the ABC's in front of anyone who was in halls, and, like Jarred and his gang, stick his head down the toilet and flushing it, giving him the swirly-whirly. The only freshmen that the upperclassmen would stay away from were Jarred and his friends, seeing that they looked pretty tough for people in the freshmen year. Girls in that year were also left alone too, but then again, girls in the upperclass would shun them in other ways.

To keep away from the upperclassmen, and Jarred and his friends, Billy would try to hang out in the library like he did in junior high. But things were different at Kensington. Eating in the library was not allowed, no exceptions, so Billy had to either bring money to buy lunch, and risk having Jarred and his friends demanding it from him, or bring a lunch from home and eat it in the cafeteria, still risking trouble from either from Jarred and his friends, or the upperclassmen who also hung out in the cafeteria. Not much of a choice. So to keep from having to bring money or a big lunch, Billy took the risk of possibly getting in trouble with the librarians by sneaking in somthing small to eat, like a granola bar, while reading the various science books they had in the library. Because of this, Billy was once again starting to lose weight from not eating as much. Plus he was still cutting himself to get away from the constant anxiety, because while he was able to keep away from Jarred and his friends at lunch, they would still go after him when school was over.

Months later, on a Tuesday in May of 1992, close to the end of grade 9, Billy returned home bruised, his nose bleeding, and had another black eye from Jarred and his gang chasing him and beating on him for almost ten minutes. His dad hadn't come home from work yet, and neither had Bryan. Billy went up to his room, pulled out the knife had under his mattress and began slashing himself repeatedly. The angrier he got, the deeper he cut. Slowly he started to calm down, but something went wrong. Billy had cut himself across the wrist, and it was pretty deep. No matter how much pressure he put on the cut, it was still bleeding heavily, and this began to frighten him. Although he had thought of wanting to die before, he was starting to have second thoughts. Frantic, Billy picked up the phone and left a message on his dad's voice-mail to tell him he had cut himself badly and needed to go to the hospital, then he called 911.

When Billy arrived at the emergency room, he was taken in to get his wrist stitched up. As the doctor was applying the bandage around his wrist to protect the stitches, he noted the other cuts and scars on Billy's arms, and asked one of the ER nurses to have one of the hospital's psychiatrist to come and speak with him.

"Billy, this is Dr. Klein. I'm having her talk with you, because I've noticed the other cuts and scars you have." The doctor told him.

While Billy was with the psychiatrist, Mr. Cranston arrived at the hospital in a panic, and ran up to the nurses desk. "Where's my son?" He asked.

"You're going to have to be more specific sir." The nurse told him.

"William Cranston, my son. He left me a message at work saying he was going to be here." The nurse looked up his name on the hospital records.

"He's with the psychiatrist, Dr. Klein." she replied, pointing Mr. Cranston in the direction to where Dr. Klein's office was.

Dr. Klein was talking with Billy when there was a knock at the door. "Come in." she said. "Oh, are you Mr. Cranston?" Dr. Klein asked when she looked up from her paperwork.

"Dad, what are you doing here?"

"I was about to ask you that. And yes," Mr. Cranston shook hands with Dr. Klein. "I'm Billy's father. What's going on here?"

"Billy came here because of an injury to his wrist, which was determined to be self-inflicted." Dr. Klein told him.

"Self-inflicted? You tried to kill yourself?" Mr. Cranston asked Billy, shocked at what he heard. "Son, why did you do that?"

"You wouldn't understand." Billy replied, tears welling up in his eyes.

"I think you better fill him in on what you told me." Dr. Klein said to Billy.

"Yes, please." Mr. Cranston knelt down in front of Billy and took his hand lovingly. "Billy, I'm here now, and I want to understand. Please, what's wrong? What was so bad that you'd want to die?" Billy took his hand away, wiping the tears.

"These bullies, at school, they beat me up everyday, call me names, steal my lunch money, and, and." Billy cried even harder. "They wrecked my Duran Duran "Liberty" CD!"

"The one I got you for Christmas two years ago?"

"Yes. I, had to buy a new one!" Billy cried.

"Billy, if you had told me that a long time ago, I would've replaced for you and saved you the money." Mr. Cranston said.

"And at Kensington, it's even worse. The boys in grade 12, they harass me because I'm a grade 9 by shoving me into my locker, embarrass me by throwing me in the trash receptacle and making sing baby songs, stuff like that."

"Oh my god." Mr. Cranston was disgusted. "Billy, tell me, those black eyes you'd have, they didn't come from PE, did they?"

"No, they didn't."

"Billy, how long has this been going on?" Mr. Cranston asked.

"Since grade seven." Billy replied.

"Grade seven?" Mr. Cranston exclaimed. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I did! I told the teachers, the counselors, but they didn't do anything! They said that these boys were just jealous because of my IQ, and that they do that kind of stuff on a regular basis!"

"Well they were obviously not doing their job." Mr. Cranston said angrily. "But if that didn't work, why didn't you tell me?"

"I was afraid I would be burdening you with my problems, because with mom being gone, you got enough to worry about, and also,I thought you'd react the same way as the teachers did." Billy replied.

"Billy, that's not true. I would never dismiss your problems like that. And it wouldn't have been an extra burden on me. I would've had you transferred to another school."

"I don't think transferring me would've helped either. People like me always get bullied."

"Yes it would have. Not every school is same when it comes to dealing with bullies."

"I was also afraid that if they got in trouble, they would know it was me who told, and would beat me up even more."

"That's pretty much what he told me Mr. Cranston." Dr. Klein added. "And there's something else you should know. Besides trying to commit suicide, Billy has also been deliberately harming himself for a long time before that."

"Deliberately harming himself? What do you mean by that?" Billy lifted up his sleeves, showing his dad the cuts and scars. He even lifted up his pant-legs, revealing more cuts and scars. "Oh my god." Mr. Cranston couldn't believe what he saw. "Billy, why would you do that to yourself?"

"It was a way of relieving myself of the anxiety and depression." Billy replied.

"He thought that it would be easier for you to understand his pain, by turning it from emotional to physical pain." Dr. Klein added. "The blood, in a way, represented tears."

"It started out with just constantly scratching myself with my nails, but then, it's like, I developed an immunity to that, and got no more relief from it, so I would use a knife instead."

"I just don't understand how you could do that to yourself Billy. Wasn't pain from the cuts, enough to make you stop?"

"No, because it was less painful than being beaten up or called names. And I didn't know how to handle the constant depression. To me, it was better to deal with." Billy said.

"But what about playing your bass, or working in your lab? You used to enjoy it. I don't understand how handling the stress and anxiety in such an unhealthy way would be better than playing your music, or working on your science experiments."

"Because Mr. Cranston, Billy felt that's why he attracted the bullies to him in the first place. By doing the things he enjoys, he gets bullied for it. Turning to self-harm, is kind of like a self-punishment." Dr. Klein said.

"Billy, there's no shame for liking the things you do." Mr. Cranston told him. He sighed. "If only I had know about this sooner."

"Mr. Cranston, with your permission, I recommend that Billy should be admitted to the psychiatric ward for a period of time." Dr. Klein said.

"Yes, of course."

"What? No, please, dad, I'd rather be at home." Billy pleaded.

"Billy, you need help. Trying to commit suicide is a sign of a very serious problem, and I don't have the kind of expertise that Dr. Klein has to help you recover. You also have an addiction, and the doctors here can help you find other healthier ways of dealing with the stress and anxiety." His dad told him.

"But, I, I've never been away from home for a long period of time. I don't want to be with strangers!"

"Billy, there are people here who can help you. As for other patients, they have similar problems like you have, and they'd understand what it's like."

"How long will I have to stay here?" Billy asked.

"I don't know. As long as you need in order to get well."

"I'll get Billy admitted right now. In the meantime, he'll have to wait at one of the ER beds until there is confirmation of there being enough beds in the psychiatric ward." Dr. Klein got the papers needed for admittance all put together.

"Good," said Mr. Cranston. "Billy, I'm going to go back to the house to pack up some of your clothes and other things. When I get back, let me know if there's anything else you want from the house, and I'll bring to you during visitation hours tomorrow."

"Mr. Cranston, for the first few days when Billy is on the psychiatric ward, his clothes and shoes will have to remain with the nurses."

"Oh? How come?"

"He's going to be placed on suicide watch, and monitored to makes sure he doesn't leave the ward unattended."

"What will I wear?" Billy asked.

"A standard hospital gown." Dr. Klein replied. They left her office and went up to the Admissions desk to get Billy admitted to the hospital.

During his stay at the hospital, Billy met with Dr. Klein everyday for one-on-one counseling, and one of the other psychiatrists on the ward for group meetings. While it was easier for Billy to open up to Dr. Klein, having her help him through why he turned to deliberate self-harm, he found it harder to share his problems with the group meetings. First off, there wasn't many guys his age. Most of the patients were women, and the only people his age there were girls. Second, self-harm was still considered rare according to those in the psychiatric field, and Billy wasn't sure how people would react if he mentioned that he cut himself in order to avoid the emotional pain he suffered. That was also another thing that Billy hated. Since the nurses removed anything sharp from Billy's room, that meant he'd have to find some other way of dealing with the emotions brought up from talking about his issues. He went back to scratching his arms, but whenever he would do that, the nurses would take his hands away from his arms. Slowly, the urge for Billy to self-harm was decreasing in frequency, and so were the nightmares he'd have.

While Billy was at the hospital, Mr. Cranston would go up to the school every day to pick upBilly'shomework so that he could still pass grade 9. He also informed the school principal as to the bullying and harassment that Billy suffered, causing him to be in the hospital in the first place. However, the principal informed him that there wasn't really much they could do, since most of the bullying that occurred took place at junior high, therefore it should've been up to them to take disciplinary action, which couldn't happen anyway because they were not at that school anymore. But he did tell Mr. Cranston, that they will be watched to see if they're harassing other people, and would be disciplined if they went after any other students.

Finally it was July 1992, and close to Billy being released form the hospital after an almost two-month stay. Just then, Mr. Cranston got called to come down to the university where he worked, as they had to talk to him about something very important. It turned out that the university in Angel Grove, a suburb of Los Angeles, they didn't have a replacement physics professor to take over for the one that was retiring, and since the university in Philadelphia that Mr. Cranston worked at would still do fine with one less professor, Mr. Cranston was offered to take the job in Angel Grove to teach at their university. "Well, I'll have to think about this. I mean, I've got my one son who's in the hospital, and then there's my younger son. I'll tell them about the job offer, but having to move to another city, especially out of state, that's going to have a lot of stress on them both." Mr. Cranston told the dean. "Then there's my wife, who's still currently listed on missing persons. I need to keep up with her case, even though it's getting more likely every day, she may not even be alive."

"Well, you can give this some thought. I do hope you'll consider this opportunity." said the dean.

"I will sir."

The next time that Mr. Cranston went to visit Billy at the hospital, he took him into a private room where he could tell Billy about the job offer and prospect of having to move out of state. "So what did you want to talk to me about?" Billy asked.

"I was called in at the university, and the dean told me that there's a university in Angel Grove that has no replacement for their physics class, and they offered me the job to teach physics there." Mr. Cranston said.

"Angel Grove? That's near Los Angeles, in California."

"Yes, meaning if I accept the job, we will have to move."

"So what did you tell the dean?" Billy asked.

"I didn't tell him anything because I wanted to let you and Bryan know first." Billy got up, rolling his eyes sarcastically.

"You might as well have said yes anyway." Billy said.

"Now Billy, I-"

"Dad, I don't want to have to move to another city, not to mention a different state, across the country! It's bad enough I had trouble getting myself acquainted with the people I attended that hell hole of a school I got sent to, and got bullied for it! It's bad enough that I had to start at the bottom again attending Kensington, and now you're telling me, that I have to start over again?"

"Billy, I know you're upset-"

"You're damn right I'm upset! Ever since mom's disappearance, it seems like my whole entire life has been nothing but shit!"

"Billy! What have I told you about using those words?" Mr. Cranston scolded.

"Sorry dad."

"Billy, I realize things have been rough. It's been hard on me too, not to mention Bryan."

"Oh really?"

"Yes really. Do you realize that Bryan asks me everyday, 'When's mom going to come home?', and that I can't give him a definite answer? Or how about, if we do move, how hard it will be for me, to keep up with your mother's case, especially if new information comes in?"

"There's another reason why I don't want to leave dad! What if mom is still alive! What's gonna happen when she comes back home, and sees we're not there!"

"If, she comes home." Mr.Cranston reminded him. "Billy, she has been gone for three years now. And it's beginning to look that even if she were to be found, there's not much of a chance she'd be alive. Now, you may not have accepted that, but I feel like it's time for me to move on. And what about the bullying that got you here in the first place? At least in Angel Grove, those bullies won't be there, and you won't have to finish off your last years of high school at Kensington, where they'll just give you more grief again. If I were you, I'd rather be going to a different school, were the people don't know your past, and where those bullies don't have a chance in hell of being there giving you more trouble." Though he didn't want to admit it, Billy knew that his dad was right. "And who knows? Maybe in Angel Grove, they might have a private school for people like yourself, with an affordable tuition price. You'd be back with people you have something in common with again."

"You're right." Billy said.

"So, what does this mean? Would you rather take this chance?" Billy thought for a moment.

"Dad? Take the job. Living in Angel Grove may sure transcend living here."

"I'm glad you feel that way." Mr. Cranston turned to leave, but then stopped and looked back at Billy. "Don't think I don't understand what you've been though, because I do. And that's the truth." He said.

The next day, Mr. Cranston went to see the dean at the university, and told him that he was accepting the job in Angel Grove. The paperwork was prepared for his transfer right there. Mr. Cranston also took a trip over to the realtor's office and looked at pictures of various homes that were on sale in Angel Grove, and found one which was in his price range. With the realtor, they prepared the documents needed for the down payment. Once that was completed, Mr. Cranston went over to Kensington High, and told them that since they were moving, Billy would not be returning to Kensington for grade 10. He also did the same thing at Bryan's school, saying he won't be returning for grade 6. The university that Mr. Cranston was going to be transferring to, sent him some information pamphlets on the high schools and elementary schools in Angel Grove, and also their private schools. But there was a problem. There were no special schools for people like Billy. In fact, because of the town's size, there wasn't much in the way of services to provide for Billy's needs. This disappointed Billy, but then after looking through the pamphlets, Billy decided that he'd rather go to Angel Grove High. With that done, Mr. Cranston went to Billy and Bryan's schools to have their records sent to the schools they were going to be attending in Angel Grove, and when he got home, he prepared for the move by getting a early start, packing things up.

After his release from the hospital, Billy helped his dad and Bryan pack things up. Dr. Klein was informed about the move, and recommended a psychiatrist who could continue giving Billy help and advice in Angel Grove whenever he felt he couldn't handle things. The down payment on the house went through, which was a good thing for them. When everything was in their boxes, and furniture all prepared, Mr. Cranston put in a call to one of the moving companies that transported things across the states. Seeing that it was going to be week until the movers arrived in Angel Grove, Mr. Cranston booked the flight to Angel Grove so that they got there on the day the movers arrived so that they could help them with the heavier things like the furniture. On the evening before the day they'd fly out to Angel Grove, the house had been completely emptied of all their furniture and things. The only stuff Mr. Cranston, Billy and Bryan had with them were carry-on bags with a change of clothes and stuff to keep them occupied during the flight. Because their beds were packed into the moving van, they spent the night at a local hotel near to the airport.

The next day was the last day they would be in Philadelphia. Allowing themselves time to get checked in and cleared through security, they arrived at the airport two hours before their flight to Angel Grove. After a long wait at the gate, the call finally came for them to board the plane. On the aircraft, they got settled and put their bags underneath there seats. Bryan had the aisle seat, Mr. Cranston was beside him, and Billy was seated in the window seat.

As the plane took off for Angel Grove, Billy took one last look out the window at Philadelphia, and while he gazed out at the city he once lived in, he pondered on how things were going to turn out in his life, living in Angel Grove. Little did he know, things were going to be taking an interesting turn, that living in Angel Grove, he will no longer be a prisoner of pain.

The End


End file.
